2012

I haven't blogged in quite a while, which is why I am blogging now.  2012 has been a nice year and the brides we've met have been absolutely terrific.

Eastern Long Island was our longest ride so far this year, but next year we're headed to North Carolina.

If you've been to the site and seen the testimonials, then you know we're being appreciated very nicely as always. 

The MLA sound rig is better than ever.  Keeping a bunch of wireless mics cooperating is a lot like spinning plates.  The solution, it turns out, is buying new ones and this I have done.  We also have a pair of 1500 watt JBL main speakers, and these are very impressive.

While I used to combine MLA with regular employment, I have now embarked on a fully self-employed life.  Now I can spend more time with brides and grooms and prepare them for how great their party is going to be.

Speaking of that, I'd love to take full responsibility for the outcome, but I have some caveats to share with you prospective brides:

1. Always have the party at a place with good air conditioning.  You can't keep people in the party if the room is not well climate-controlled.
2. Make sure the lights are turned down after dinner.  People prefer to dance in the dark, and the fancy, flashing MLA light rig is only pronounced in a darker setting.
3. Invite enough drinkers.  No crowd at the bar almost will always equate to no crowd dancing.
4. Smokers are tricky.  They leave the party room to smoke.  I don't know what the solution is, but for each smoker you have to invite, also invite a pile of people who don't smoke.  That's partly in jest, but there's truth behind it.

As always, if you want your party to be great, then visit www.mainlineaffair.com and get signed up with us.  We pass a low-overhead price on to you, and we are frankly better than many of the bands which charge double our fee.

Did you know: the median age of a member of Main Line Affair is 27 years old?  All the other bands who can do what we can do are......not 27 years old.  Maybe that's why there are 8 people rocking out at our gigs for 3 hours and 40 minutes out of every 4 hour gig we do.  Think about that!

Is it live...or is it BS?

From day 1, every sound that has been produced by Main Line Affair has been 100% live. I've never worked with sequencers*. My 7 colleagues and I are vulnerable to making a mistake at any moment, and I suppose that is what makes good performance exciting. If there was no way for a trapeze artist to err, and to go plunging into the safety net, would it be as interesting? The most compelling view is of the acrobat working with no net, and that is what Main Line Affair and other 100% live bands are all about. Once I worked as a substitute with another well-known local wedding band. Unbeknownst to me before arriving, their instruments were fully 'sequenced,' meaning that I was supposed to stand there with my fancy keyboard and pretend to play. That was pretty lame. I feel like our clients pay for 100% live music, and if they didn't want that, then they'd just settle for a DJ.

The other problem with sequencing, I would guess, is that it would take away our spontaneity. I usually figure out what song we will play next, and the other people in the band find out about 20-30 seconds before we suddently change into the next song. I don't see how a sequencer could keep up, but then again I am not a sequencer user.

I'm sure some folks don't mind if the music is partially pre-recorded, but if you do prefer that it's totally live, then visit www.mainlineaffair.com. That's how we do it.


* A sequencer is a fancy musicians word which refers to a machine that is producing pre-programmed music.

Tunes for the Young People, Tunes for the Old People

Indeed, my sister Wendy is right. The blog is for good feeling.

"Dog Days Are Over" was added by Main Line Affair, the premier Philadelphia Wedding Band, at last night's practice. Anne Marie sounds both great and authentic on it and she promised that the young folks will like it and dance with enthusiasm.

An upcoming bride, actually a personal friend, has appointed "All I Ask of You" from Phantom of the Opera as her first dance. Bobby, with his theater background, will no doubt enjoy the 4 minute casting as Raoul.

Google caused some confusion recently, so if it pleases the public and my friend Carmen, be clear that Main Line Affair is not, nor does it represent itself to be a part of CTO! We respect them immensely, but we are completely independent of them.

As always, visit www.mainlineaffair.com which has been updated since my last entry!

Comcast

We have made a few inquiries to try to get our phone service fixed. It went out in the lightning storm. They try every way to get us to fix our own phone. On our third try, we called and the message says they are experiencing 'higher than normal' call volume, which it always says. This means that it is normal; not otherwise. First it said six minute wait time, and it encouraged us to hang up. When we didn't, it asked us to call back at our convenience because the wait time is more than ten minutes. See, it's all about our convenience.

Governor Rockne

If he hadn't already, Governor Rendell crossed over into the land of delusion last night. The Governor has created this alternate existence where his official functions include, or rather are dominated by, his sports rooting interest.

Disregard for a second whether or not it was correct for the NFL to postpone last night's blizzard non-game. Listen to what our elected leader, and manager of our commonwealth's business had to say. He said that Vince Lombardi would be disappointed. He said that football is meant to be played in all conditions. Does anyone else think that perhaps he's gotten his job description mixed up with Roger Goodell's (NFL commissioner)?

I may be really old-fashioned, but though I surely enjoy NFL football, I'm not sure that it needs to be as high as it is on Ed's priority list. He reminds me of myself when I was 11 and they'd call a little league game because it got too dark. The players wanted to tough it out, but the league and parents would call the game for the sake of potential safety. Ed is that 11 year-old on the mound who wants a chance at the game-winning hit, and he doesn't want to hear about the danger of playing. This is exactly how I would want Eagles players to feel. Our governor, on the other hand, might want to own up to the fact that he is supposed to be the adult among everyone. Scarily enough, he is supposed to be the guy who advocates.....safety.

I have long felt that Mr. Rendell has been a buffoon for his formal participation as an Eagles post-game TV analyst. He sits with a straight face between Ray Didinger (NFL Hall of Fame journalist) and Vaughn Hebron (former NFL player) and he casts his analysis without his tongue at all in cheek. Today radio host Mike Missanelli asked him if he would be able to attend the Eagles game, or if (hold the laughter) official duty would prohibit it. That's a little like asking John Belushi's Blutarski ("Animal House") if he was available to interrupt the homecoming parade. If Ed had to choose between pardoning an innocent death row inmate and missing kick-off, then our collective sympathies would be with the widow by the end of the 1st quarter. Mr. Rendell has graduated from General Buffoon, to Black Belt, Master, Dr. Buffoon.

Car dealers

http://www.google.com/maps/place?cid=11855411728989350011&q=City+World+Toyota+Inc,+Boston+Road,+New+York,+NY&hl=en

Now I have to hear about that automobile's deficiencies from wife and daughter, which is worse than fighting with the dealer.

I could sleep now but I don't feel like it

Have you ever over-tightened a lug nut so that the lug just went ahead and broke? I guess I don't know my own strength.....or my Alfa's lug's weakness. I tighten those lugs a lot because a wheel fell off the car once while I was driving. I wouldn't worry about it happening again if it weren't for, ya know......the dying! So I just tightened my way into a nice repair bill. I guess I'll drive the Japanese car tomorrow.

My dog is a really beautiful individual. Yesterday, I broke down and watched the whole Eagles game. When they would show Dog Hitler's face on the screen she would leave the room to boycott. Of course the most evil person in sports has to be the best athlete as well.

My wife suffers from migraines. That's a really bad deal.

Lafayette Hill is a cool place to live. I'd recommend it to anyone. Two improvements: (1) find a way to make Ridge Pike 4 lanes all the way to Roxborough; (2) straighten Butler Pike at Germantown. The latter intersection disrupts traffic headed to and from the mall and turnpike. I know they'd have to knock down some 300 year old building where George Washington probably romanced some ladies. Small price to pay! Someone get the wrecking ball. I guess the crooked intersection wasn't so bad when twenty horse-drawn carriages passed through it on a given day.

Now that Joe Morgan was fired by ESPN, and we don't have to listen to him anymore, can someone cue up Chris Wheeler?

I asked a pro-Palestinian friend at work where she thought the Jews should go. She was raised in a household to hate Zionism. Her parents forgot to tell her that the alternative is Jewicide. She suggested Haiti.

No matter how much money people make, I can understand them spending it. I think if I had Ryan Howard's paycheck, it could still go into toilet paper, pool chemicals, Alfa Romeo repairs and of course band gear.

If I was as handsome as Charlie Sheen, I'd be jerkier than I am now, but not as jerky as he is.

It would be cool if Brett Myers was punched out by Dog Hitler the way Mrs. Myers was belted by Brett, and better yet if Myers had some vicious dogs that ate Dog Hitler in retaliation.

Does anyone know the pro band that used to employ me? That's a WT outfit!

Obama hasn't really turned around the economy, has he? Yes, these things are cyclical. He should invent the microchip and the internet. That's what Clinton and Gore did, respectively. Obama only cares about the poor. Does complaining about that sound unfair to criticize? Listen up poor people: when you tax 'the rich,' you are taxing EMPLOYERS and then they stop employing. Lesson learned?

I think departments of insurance should spend all their time investigating consumer complaints and none of it regulating insurers. It's called "Capitalism" and I can tell you from the inside that their regulation is often getting consumers higher premiums and narrower coverage.

My dad sure is against the death penalty. I should spend equal energy supporting it. He'll say things like, "where do we get the right to take away someone's life?" Well, where do we get the right to incarcerate someone and take away their freedom? Plus, electric chairs are like Alfa Romeos. You feel better having one if you can put some mileage on it. Otherwise, it's just a money pit and no fun to own. Cop-killers are good candidates to receive it. Also, mega-repeat-offender-animal-torturers....who perhaps are left-handed and play quarterback. Whoops, I forgot. He said he "made a mistake" and I think he said he's really sorry too.

Jerry Jones might be a good President. At least he gets good and angry when things go poorly. And Kim Kardashian would be a good first lady. Duh.

How come when Ryan Howard plays poorly people say he stinks, and when Chase Utley plays poorly, they say he must be hurt? Read this: Ryan Howard will go down as a better ballplayer than Utley. Rookie of the Year. MVP. 58 homers. These are historic things. Utley gets pumped up a bout 30 per cent because the girls like him. It's the same reason that Darren Daulton is remembered as a better player than he was (.245 lifetime). At least Utley advocates humane animal treatment!

If I'd had a bunch of Toyota Corollas instead of the Chevy Citation, '83 Charger, '86 Plymouth Turismo and the current Alfa, I think I'd be rich and retired.

I think women know that flatulence is funny, but they're all trained to act like they don't. They must learn that before 3rd grade when boys aren't paying attention to them yet.

My son is off-the-charts handsome. I think he'll do well with women....provided they like a man who enjoys singing randomly, "800-588-2300, Empire TODAY!"

Pandora really is a cool free on-line service. Thanks to Hank for that one! Speaking of Hank, his flatulence is so gross that it's almost not funny.....but that in itself is funny.

I think of some random people reading this and wonder if they'll conclude I'm a weirdo, while I have tried to position myself as a non-weirdo (SB?). Hey, I have one wife, 2 kids, 1 dog and a (non-picket) fence. Is any of that still considered normal? I think being up at around 1 A.M. blogging is probably pretty conventional in 2010 as well.

In a blog which includes references to both my dog Lexi, and flatulence, I would be remiss in not pointing out that her breath is worse than Hank's flatulence. Her face really does smell like garbage and feces and dead people and Soul Asylum music wrapped into one. Her face is a paradox because it looks so cute. I like to let her lick up a plate near my wife so that the wife is enveloped in the dog stink-breath. That's as funny as a Dutch oven and is less documentably cruel.

We have this one neighbor who is sort of a white collar crook. He fixes basement leaks, only the crooked part is that he doesn't fix basement leaks. I referred to him as a 'toolbox' some years ago. Danielle, then maybe 5 years old, repeated it as "The Toolboxer" and the name has stuck. That guy is about the worst feature of Lafayette Hill.

I'm trying to weave a couple themes together here like Norm MacDonald does. I think he's terrific. Laurie and I saw him at Helium and we literally sat within 10 feet of him. While he manages to cast an unhealthy image about himself, I think he actually looked good and healthy. He was definitely funny. Those who spend time with me know that I like to 'be' him and also Christopher Walken.

I think Ed Stefanski has about as much power with the Sixers these days as Wade Phillips has with the Dallas Cowboys (yes, I heard Phillips got fired). I think when people within the Eagles organization try to take some power, Andy Reid eats their young.

Well, maybe now I've gotten enough out of the day. Tomorrow I have a business lunch in....(Drum roll please, Jonathan): NEW JERSEY! So now I'm surely envied.

Thanks to anyone who read this far (surely a victim of real insomnia).