Main Line Affair vs. one of the all-time greats

I was attending a banquet recently. A friend, or at least my wife’s friend’s husband, was talking about a corporate function he had attended through his employer. He’s a great guy, and a real heavy hitter in the business world, and if I dropped the name of the employer and what he does there, it would be really impressive. Take my word for it; the guy has an interesting and high profile job.

He brought this up in the context of the fact that an elderly woman in a wheelchair had gotten in by accident. Someone saw her dressed for a banquet, and they saw the wheelchair, and gave her the assistance she needed to enter the facility (which is also famous). She announced shortly after that she didn’t seem to be in the Freeman Bar Mitzvah, which was true. So the moral within the story, within the story, is that a wheelchair is a great tool to use to crash big parties.

In any event, my friend described in some detail how lavish the party was, and to what lengths his boss had gone to make the party unforgettable. The food was extravagant. The décor was extravagant. The guest list was impressive. I told him, "you know, for next time, I’d love to bring Main Line Affair to that kind of event, and I promise we'd do a great job for you."

He replied that it was an interesting idea and asked I knew who they’d gotten (instead). I didn’t, and when he indicated that it was Earth Wind and Fire, I just asked that we be at least Plan B next time.

I’ll concede that they could be a better band, but I bet our variety is better. What if someone had asked for songs by Sinatra, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Carrie Underwood, Glen Miller or Lynyrd Skynyrd? The points is that even when you could have Earth Wind and Fire, there is at least still a compelling reason to have Main Line Affair instead.

A Day in the Life - well, 3 days

I thought it might be fun to write about all that a party gig entails, and how I earn as much as maybe $2/hour to be the bandleader of Main Line Affair.

One thing MLA loves to do is take a road trip; and not just because it gets me away from my family all day as Laurie Goldstein likes to say. New York City is a favorite for reasons which should require explanation to no one.

Mr. B. Esq. and his lovely wife Dr. K. (modern Huxtables?) were nice enough to invite MLA to play at their (post) wedding celebration in Metropolis on Saturday night May 1. For me, the travel preparation began Friday night, when I completed my secret (insurance) career's duties for the day. I stopped at my friendly local U-Haul store and rented a trailer. They didn't quite have the little trailer I had reserved on line weeks ago, so I drove off with what felt like a very over-sized trailer. I wasn't excited about the giant trailer.

After seeing the great Norm MacDonald with my wife on Friday night at Helium in Center City Philadelphia, I loaded the trailer and "installed" the middle-row center seat I got on ebay. It's for a Honda Odyssey and my car is not Honda Odyssey, but it looks pretty natural in there anyway. The MLA Mobile is a 7-seater, and MLA is an 8-person entourage. The extra seat got the job done! Luckily, it was the season's first oppressive hot and humid night....wait, that actually really sucked.

The next morning proved I had backed the trailer into my driveway successfully, for really the first time ever.

Early enough in the afternoon, all were present at my house, a little over 100 miles from Manhattan, and ready to go. John, our brilliant guitarist, had another engagement in New York and later met us at the job.

The ride includes eating, drinking, teasing, laughing, and in this case, watching The Simpson's on DVD. The author was driving so I had to enjoy the Simpson's from the sound only. Included was the episode where Mr. Burns' shooting was investigated.

This was the view over my shoulder. Jonathan's (drums) eye-ball is the element of this picture that will win me my cell phone photography Pulitzer. Bobby, the Michael Buble of MLA, is earnestly texting or something. To the left is Kevin ("Smedley") the MLA co-pilot and bassist. The third picture above is my self-portrait, and as this was the Jersey Turnpike, I think the pic is a little 'Tony Soprano,' even if I am not.

Above - we have a girl in the band (Meg), so we had to stop. This was the Grover Cleveland rest stop. Because Grover was President twice, history has given all subsequent Presidents the wrong number. For instance, Obama is only the 44th man (as he's always called) because Grover was counted both times. I think Grover should be counted only once. And by the way Gore, Grover won the popular vote for reelection after the first time, lost in the electoral college, and then won again four years later. If you're supposed to be President, you will be, Gore. You aren't. Did I digress?

MLA makes the final approach to the Lincoln Tunnel. The blackberry picture does no justice to our proximity to the big city. The Empire State Building is a minor pencil line above the car in front of us.

We arrive on West 20th Street, where countless art galleries call home. Guitar John is waiting for us. The next challenge is parking. After we moved everything to the elevator inside, I go space hunting. I was rejected at a lot on 23rd @ 10th Ave. Thanks a lot! The guy at 20th and 10th was a little skeptical looking too, but he got a piece of green inspiration as part of what would become an $84 total parking load. At that I was relieved that parking existed.

The performance itself can be another blog. The important element is that everyone had fun and the client said they were really happy, and that we had lived up to my promises. That's a very cool ending, because I would truly feel terrible if someone had buyer's remorse.

Everything then moved in reverse, with John joining us and filling the MLA-mobile as 8th rider. We stopped for a snack as soon as we got back into New Jersey at the Alexander Hamilton rest stop. Alex never got to be President, because he got into a duel with then-Vice President Aaron Burr, who also was never President, but was superior that day (as was Roy Halladay to Johan Santana this weekend). (Sidenote-the Phillies seem to trounce the Mets when their games coincide with MLA NY trips).

When I came out of the rest stop, which was an ice cream store to me, the kids (everone but me and Smedley) had made themselves comfortable on the over-sized trailer.

After just another hour and a half of driving, unloading, and then returning the trailer to U-Haul at 3AM (another comedy where I had trouble finding a spot on their lot level enough that the trailer wouldn't roll away..... there was some trial and error).