Monday, March 7, 2011

Comcast

We have made a few inquiries to try to get our phone service fixed. It went out in the lightning storm. They try every way to get us to fix our own phone. On our third try, we called and the message says they are experiencing 'higher than normal' call volume, which it always says. This means that it is normal; not otherwise. First it said six minute wait time, and it encouraged us to hang up. When we didn't, it asked us to call back at our convenience because the wait time is more than ten minutes. See, it's all about our convenience.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Governor Rockne

If he hadn't already, Governor Rendell crossed over into the land of delusion last night. The Governor has created this alternate existence where his official functions include, or rather are dominated by, his sports rooting interest.

Disregard for a second whether or not it was correct for the NFL to postpone last night's blizzard non-game. Listen to what our elected leader, and manager of our commonwealth's business had to say. He said that Vince Lombardi would be disappointed. He said that football is meant to be played in all conditions. Does anyone else think that perhaps he's gotten his job description mixed up with Roger Goodell's (NFL commissioner)?

I may be really old-fashioned, but though I surely enjoy NFL football, I'm not sure that it needs to be as high as it is on Ed's priority list. He reminds me of myself when I was 11 and they'd call a little league game because it got too dark. The players wanted to tough it out, but the league and parents would call the game for the sake of potential safety. Ed is that 11 year-old on the mound who wants a chance at the game-winning hit, and he doesn't want to hear about the danger of playing. This is exactly how I would want Eagles players to feel. Our governor, on the other hand, might want to own up to the fact that he is supposed to be the adult among everyone. Scarily enough, he is supposed to be the guy who advocates.....safety.

I have long felt that Mr. Rendell has been a buffoon for his formal participation as an Eagles post-game TV analyst. He sits with a straight face between Ray Didinger (NFL Hall of Fame journalist) and Vaughn Hebron (former NFL player) and he casts his analysis without his tongue at all in cheek. Today radio host Mike Missanelli asked him if he would be able to attend the Eagles game, or if (hold the laughter) official duty would prohibit it. That's a little like asking John Belushi's Blutarski ("Animal House") if he was available to interrupt the homecoming parade. If Ed had to choose between pardoning an innocent death row inmate and missing kick-off, then our collective sympathies would be with the widow by the end of the 1st quarter. Mr. Rendell has graduated from General Buffoon, to Black Belt, Master, Dr. Buffoon.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Car dealers

http://www.google.com/maps/place?cid=11855411728989350011&q=City+World+Toyota+Inc,+Boston+Road,+New+York,+NY&hl=en

Now I have to hear about that automobile's deficiencies from wife and daughter, which is worse than fighting with the dealer.

Monday, November 8, 2010

I could sleep now but I don't feel like it

Have you ever over-tightened a lug nut so that the lug just went ahead and broke? I guess I don't know my own strength.....or my Alfa's lug's weakness. I tighten those lugs a lot because a wheel fell off the car once while I was driving. I wouldn't worry about it happening again if it weren't for, ya know......the dying! So I just tightened my way into a nice repair bill. I guess I'll drive the Japanese car tomorrow.

My dog is a really beautiful individual. Yesterday, I broke down and watched the whole Eagles game. When they would show Dog Hitler's face on the screen she would leave the room to boycott. Of course the most evil person in sports has to be the best athlete as well.

My wife suffers from migraines. That's a really bad deal.

Lafayette Hill is a cool place to live. I'd recommend it to anyone. Two improvements: (1) find a way to make Ridge Pike 4 lanes all the way to Roxborough; (2) straighten Butler Pike at Germantown. The latter intersection disrupts traffic headed to and from the mall and turnpike. I know they'd have to knock down some 300 year old building where George Washington probably romanced some ladies. Small price to pay! Someone get the wrecking ball. I guess the crooked intersection wasn't so bad when twenty horse-drawn carriages passed through it on a given day.

Now that Joe Morgan was fired by ESPN, and we don't have to listen to him anymore, can someone cue up Chris Wheeler?

I asked a pro-Palestinian friend at work where she thought the Jews should go. She was raised in a household to hate Zionism. Her parents forgot to tell her that the alternative is Jewicide. She suggested Haiti.

No matter how much money people make, I can understand them spending it. I think if I had Ryan Howard's paycheck, it could still go into toilet paper, pool chemicals, Alfa Romeo repairs and of course band gear.

If I was as handsome as Charlie Sheen, I'd be jerkier than I am now, but not as jerky as he is.

It would be cool if Brett Myers was punched out by Dog Hitler the way Mrs. Myers was belted by Brett, and better yet if Myers had some vicious dogs that ate Dog Hitler in retaliation.

Does anyone know the pro band that used to employ me? That's a WT outfit!

Obama hasn't really turned around the economy, has he? Yes, these things are cyclical. He should invent the microchip and the internet. That's what Clinton and Gore did, respectively. Obama only cares about the poor. Does complaining about that sound unfair to criticize? Listen up poor people: when you tax 'the rich,' you are taxing EMPLOYERS and then they stop employing. Lesson learned?

I think departments of insurance should spend all their time investigating consumer complaints and none of it regulating insurers. It's called "Capitalism" and I can tell you from the inside that their regulation is often getting consumers higher premiums and narrower coverage.

My dad sure is against the death penalty. I should spend equal energy supporting it. He'll say things like, "where do we get the right to take away someone's life?" Well, where do we get the right to incarcerate someone and take away their freedom? Plus, electric chairs are like Alfa Romeos. You feel better having one if you can put some mileage on it. Otherwise, it's just a money pit and no fun to own. Cop-killers are good candidates to receive it. Also, mega-repeat-offender-animal-torturers....who perhaps are left-handed and play quarterback. Whoops, I forgot. He said he "made a mistake" and I think he said he's really sorry too.

Jerry Jones might be a good President. At least he gets good and angry when things go poorly. And Kim Kardashian would be a good first lady. Duh.

How come when Ryan Howard plays poorly people say he stinks, and when Chase Utley plays poorly, they say he must be hurt? Read this: Ryan Howard will go down as a better ballplayer than Utley. Rookie of the Year. MVP. 58 homers. These are historic things. Utley gets pumped up a bout 30 per cent because the girls like him. It's the same reason that Darren Daulton is remembered as a better player than he was (.245 lifetime). At least Utley advocates humane animal treatment!

If I'd had a bunch of Toyota Corollas instead of the Chevy Citation, '83 Charger, '86 Plymouth Turismo and the current Alfa, I think I'd be rich and retired.

I think women know that flatulence is funny, but they're all trained to act like they don't. They must learn that before 3rd grade when boys aren't paying attention to them yet.

My son is off-the-charts handsome. I think he'll do well with women....provided they like a man who enjoys singing randomly, "800-588-2300, Empire TODAY!"

Pandora really is a cool free on-line service. Thanks to Hank for that one! Speaking of Hank, his flatulence is so gross that it's almost not funny.....but that in itself is funny.

I think of some random people reading this and wonder if they'll conclude I'm a weirdo, while I have tried to position myself as a non-weirdo (SB?). Hey, I have one wife, 2 kids, 1 dog and a (non-picket) fence. Is any of that still considered normal? I think being up at around 1 A.M. blogging is probably pretty conventional in 2010 as well.

In a blog which includes references to both my dog Lexi, and flatulence, I would be remiss in not pointing out that her breath is worse than Hank's flatulence. Her face really does smell like garbage and feces and dead people and Soul Asylum music wrapped into one. Her face is a paradox because it looks so cute. I like to let her lick up a plate near my wife so that the wife is enveloped in the dog stink-breath. That's as funny as a Dutch oven and is less documentably cruel.

We have this one neighbor who is sort of a white collar crook. He fixes basement leaks, only the crooked part is that he doesn't fix basement leaks. I referred to him as a 'toolbox' some years ago. Danielle, then maybe 5 years old, repeated it as "The Toolboxer" and the name has stuck. That guy is about the worst feature of Lafayette Hill.

I'm trying to weave a couple themes together here like Norm MacDonald does. I think he's terrific. Laurie and I saw him at Helium and we literally sat within 10 feet of him. While he manages to cast an unhealthy image about himself, I think he actually looked good and healthy. He was definitely funny. Those who spend time with me know that I like to 'be' him and also Christopher Walken.

I think Ed Stefanski has about as much power with the Sixers these days as Wade Phillips has with the Dallas Cowboys (yes, I heard Phillips got fired). I think when people within the Eagles organization try to take some power, Andy Reid eats their young.

Well, maybe now I've gotten enough out of the day. Tomorrow I have a business lunch in....(Drum roll please, Jonathan): NEW JERSEY! So now I'm surely envied.

Thanks to anyone who read this far (surely a victim of real insomnia).

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The technical challenge, and nuggets of advice to other music pros out there

The down-sides to running our little operation (www.mainlineaffair.com) are (1) when we don't get engagements, and (2) dealing with our sound system.

The latter is ironic. I love the rig! It's my hobby within a hobby. I (regrettably) like buying and swapping the PA gear. Most musicians love their instruments. I seem to like buying mixers, cables, speakers and stuff which is maybe less interesting to other people. I don't know why.

Why, ok, I have a guess. My keyboard is an 88-key Korg Triton LE88. It's a magical piece. With the sole exception of being heavy (at that, half the weight of the Yamaha Clavinova I used to use), I can't complain about anything. The reason it never gets old is because it's so complicated, that I think I only understand about 10% of how to use it. It sounds great, and it feels great, and so far I need nothing else. Because it is heavy, and because I'm sort of tough on things, it has destroyed an average of one case per year for the four years I've had it.

Enough nice things. Enemy #1 is the Carvin company in California. They shipped me speakers, one of which was dead on arrival. Hey Sally and Tom (fake bride and groom name), I had to run out to the store and buy new speakers in a rush on your wedding day because Carvin shipped me junk. Oh, they needn't have worried. I'd have hired Justin Bieber's sound tech if it was necessary, and I can always borrow stuff in emergency from my pro contacts. Anyway, naturally I wanted to return BOTH speakers. Carvin, even though they shipped me a dead one, shorted me $60 on the return. THEY penalized ME! Well, it's between us and the San Diego Better Business Bureau now.

The antithesis of Carvin (which is a store and a manufacturer) is Cintioli's Music in Oxford Circle in Philadelphia. Benny has everything, new and used, and he's the best sport about taking gear in trade. I go in, and I offer him a reasonable trade, and he gets me the stuff I need.

Musicians Friend, which is perhaps the largest instrumental retailer in the world, is a good resource too (www.musiciansfriend.com) and they are very cool about refunds/exchanges. Their phone staff are helpful and they price-match.

Mackie is a manufacturer which positions itself as a pro supplier. Well, kudos to Don Draper for helping them cultivate that image. Their stuff is over-priced crap, to our experience. We blew out a powered cabinet (vr450?) tweeter. A sound man saw me replacing it in our rig and he told me that he has had a bunch of problems with them. We also had a Mackie powered mixer (1016?) and one day half the channels stopped working. One of the two sub buses was already distorting terribly. Samson costs half of Mackie stuff and we've had much better luck with Samson.

We had EV non-powered speakers for a while. They took up too much room in the car, but they were old and still sounded awesome with the Samson unit pushing them.

My next try is a Soundcraft mixer. Gosh I'd love for a relationship with a mixer to last! Luckily my Yamaha emergency mixer is in good working order (albeit with limited features). Pro jobs need backups and redundant systems!

The morals are:
1. get a Korg Triton
2. get stuff from Cintioli's
3. don't deal with Carvin
4. don't buy Mackie stuff unless you're getting it (1) used, (2) at a much lower price, (3) low miles, and (4) to use in a small room.

I'll try to return to a more universally appealing topic next time!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

31 Isn't young for some people

There is always a presumption when Chase Utley doesn't produce at the plate that it's because he's hurt. I think handsome guys get the benefit of the doubt or something. The town was always oddly supportive of Pat Burrell when he struggled. Also, Darren Daulton has a heck of a legacy for a guy who hit 48 homers in his first seven years and retired as a .245 lifetime hitter. It's "The Bubble" as portrayed by Jon Hamm in his run on 30-Rock.

In my earliest days as a baseball fan, Mike Schmidt and Dale Murphy were the two best players in the National League. I presumed both were going to be Hall of Famers, and I was insecure that perhaps Murphy was the better of the two. In 1986, his last dominant year, he hit .295 with 44 home runs. In 1987, which he played majoritively at age 31 (equivalent of this year for Utley), he fell to .224 with 24 homers. He never again hit more than those 24 homer in any of the next final 6 years of his career.

Utley may have yet some good baseball in him. He may even have some star-level baseball. But it is taken too much for granted that he is (A) slumping or (B) injured. He could be (C) on the decline. I hope he's not. Fortunately for him, either way he's more handsome than, say, Garry Cobb.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Main Line Affair Expansion - near miss and moving forward

Those close to me know that the past seven days have been a real trial. In the business of party entertainment, a lot of the investment is not efficient without teaming up with other bands. For instance, I can optimize my website, but each date is a maximum of one engagement for practical purposes. Growth requires multiple bands.

The professional band with whom I used to perform recently offered itself as an acquisition target. A deal was reached and that band, along with Main Line Affair, were to be two core components of the new Atlantic States Entertainment, LLC (www.atlanticstatesentertainment.com - under construction). Money was exchanged and I was a moment away from making an announcement about that acquisition right here on this blog.

At about that moment, the seller advised that she was not, in fact, selling. She returned the money and basically put me in a position to sue her or walk away from the deal. I was all set for the former, and then a family member from her side asked me to please not do that. I was asked to put human compassion ahead of business gains. This relative was compelling and I allowed the deal to dissolve. Those folks who are close to me know who was involved and how much work I had invested in finishing the deal, which I had not sought, and which had been offered to me.

In the shadow of this disappointment, Atlantic States Entertainment will move forward. Affiliated acts are associates of mine; folks whom I know will do a good job whenever they go out on a gig. Main Line Affair (www.mainlineaffair.com) is the flagship for the company which it was always targeted to be.

For anyone who reads this and breaks my code, let me point out that an agent in this business (F.A.) made a really positive impression on me. He helped all parties navigate through a bad situation.

I was reminded though, of the contrast between the unit I've put together and the one for whom I used to work. They are unquestionably among the best collection of musicians in the area. There are advantages to Main Line Affair.
(1) Main Line Affair is less focused on a single genre. One minute we're a Motown Band, then we're an 80's band, then classic rock, jazz, etc etc etc. We are all over the place!
(2) Main Line Affair puts on a continuous presentation. There is no CD player or ipod needed as we string together live music from beginning to end every time.
(3) Main Line Affair members are the kind of people you want at your party. They are polite, witty, articulate, clean, respectful, and impressed with YOU, our client.

The joy Main Line Affair gets from being a part of your party (did anyone see Bobby Gordon lead a whole wedding in the conga line last week? See the August 7 testimonial www.mainlineaffair.com/testimonials/html ?) Hire a band who is as excited about your party as you are.

"If you go to bed with dogs, you wake up with fleas"
-respected American captain of industry