Main Line Affair vs. one of the all-time greats

I was attending a banquet recently. A friend, or at least my wife’s friend’s husband, was talking about a corporate function he had attended through his employer. He’s a great guy, and a real heavy hitter in the business world, and if I dropped the name of the employer and what he does there, it would be really impressive. Take my word for it; the guy has an interesting and high profile job.

He brought this up in the context of the fact that an elderly woman in a wheelchair had gotten in by accident. Someone saw her dressed for a banquet, and they saw the wheelchair, and gave her the assistance she needed to enter the facility (which is also famous). She announced shortly after that she didn’t seem to be in the Freeman Bar Mitzvah, which was true. So the moral within the story, within the story, is that a wheelchair is a great tool to use to crash big parties.

In any event, my friend described in some detail how lavish the party was, and to what lengths his boss had gone to make the party unforgettable. The food was extravagant. The décor was extravagant. The guest list was impressive. I told him, "you know, for next time, I’d love to bring Main Line Affair to that kind of event, and I promise we'd do a great job for you."

He replied that it was an interesting idea and asked I knew who they’d gotten (instead). I didn’t, and when he indicated that it was Earth Wind and Fire, I just asked that we be at least Plan B next time.

I’ll concede that they could be a better band, but I bet our variety is better. What if someone had asked for songs by Sinatra, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Carrie Underwood, Glen Miller or Lynyrd Skynyrd? The points is that even when you could have Earth Wind and Fire, there is at least still a compelling reason to have Main Line Affair instead.

A Day in the Life - well, 3 days

I thought it might be fun to write about all that a party gig entails, and how I earn as much as maybe $2/hour to be the bandleader of Main Line Affair.

One thing MLA loves to do is take a road trip; and not just because it gets me away from my family all day as Laurie Goldstein likes to say. New York City is a favorite for reasons which should require explanation to no one.

Mr. B. Esq. and his lovely wife Dr. K. (modern Huxtables?) were nice enough to invite MLA to play at their (post) wedding celebration in Metropolis on Saturday night May 1. For me, the travel preparation began Friday night, when I completed my secret (insurance) career's duties for the day. I stopped at my friendly local U-Haul store and rented a trailer. They didn't quite have the little trailer I had reserved on line weeks ago, so I drove off with what felt like a very over-sized trailer. I wasn't excited about the giant trailer.

After seeing the great Norm MacDonald with my wife on Friday night at Helium in Center City Philadelphia, I loaded the trailer and "installed" the middle-row center seat I got on ebay. It's for a Honda Odyssey and my car is not Honda Odyssey, but it looks pretty natural in there anyway. The MLA Mobile is a 7-seater, and MLA is an 8-person entourage. The extra seat got the job done! Luckily, it was the season's first oppressive hot and humid night....wait, that actually really sucked.

The next morning proved I had backed the trailer into my driveway successfully, for really the first time ever.

Early enough in the afternoon, all were present at my house, a little over 100 miles from Manhattan, and ready to go. John, our brilliant guitarist, had another engagement in New York and later met us at the job.

The ride includes eating, drinking, teasing, laughing, and in this case, watching The Simpson's on DVD. The author was driving so I had to enjoy the Simpson's from the sound only. Included was the episode where Mr. Burns' shooting was investigated.

This was the view over my shoulder. Jonathan's (drums) eye-ball is the element of this picture that will win me my cell phone photography Pulitzer. Bobby, the Michael Buble of MLA, is earnestly texting or something. To the left is Kevin ("Smedley") the MLA co-pilot and bassist. The third picture above is my self-portrait, and as this was the Jersey Turnpike, I think the pic is a little 'Tony Soprano,' even if I am not.

Above - we have a girl in the band (Meg), so we had to stop. This was the Grover Cleveland rest stop. Because Grover was President twice, history has given all subsequent Presidents the wrong number. For instance, Obama is only the 44th man (as he's always called) because Grover was counted both times. I think Grover should be counted only once. And by the way Gore, Grover won the popular vote for reelection after the first time, lost in the electoral college, and then won again four years later. If you're supposed to be President, you will be, Gore. You aren't. Did I digress?

MLA makes the final approach to the Lincoln Tunnel. The blackberry picture does no justice to our proximity to the big city. The Empire State Building is a minor pencil line above the car in front of us.

We arrive on West 20th Street, where countless art galleries call home. Guitar John is waiting for us. The next challenge is parking. After we moved everything to the elevator inside, I go space hunting. I was rejected at a lot on 23rd @ 10th Ave. Thanks a lot! The guy at 20th and 10th was a little skeptical looking too, but he got a piece of green inspiration as part of what would become an $84 total parking load. At that I was relieved that parking existed.

The performance itself can be another blog. The important element is that everyone had fun and the client said they were really happy, and that we had lived up to my promises. That's a very cool ending, because I would truly feel terrible if someone had buyer's remorse.

Everything then moved in reverse, with John joining us and filling the MLA-mobile as 8th rider. We stopped for a snack as soon as we got back into New Jersey at the Alexander Hamilton rest stop. Alex never got to be President, because he got into a duel with then-Vice President Aaron Burr, who also was never President, but was superior that day (as was Roy Halladay to Johan Santana this weekend). (Sidenote-the Phillies seem to trounce the Mets when their games coincide with MLA NY trips).

When I came out of the rest stop, which was an ice cream store to me, the kids (everone but me and Smedley) had made themselves comfortable on the over-sized trailer.

After just another hour and a half of driving, unloading, and then returning the trailer to U-Haul at 3AM (another comedy where I had trouble finding a spot on their lot level enough that the trailer wouldn't roll away..... there was some trial and error).

Poor little Conan!

The reason I'm up typing so late is that I feel so badly for Conan O'Brien that I can't sleep. Conan: "I wouldn't have done what Jay did." Oh really? Oh Holy Conan. By the way, by most first-hand accounts, Jay is a first class selfish jerk, but I'm going to torch Conan because his public seems to view him with victim status. First he leverages to take Jay's job years ago. OK, that's business, and he had the leverage. Then, he failed to maintain the ratings that Leno had. He considers that task to be an unfair challenge, but by combining all of his audience with what should have been a big chunk of Leno's, he should have come a lot closer. Both of these megalomaniacs have one job where the network is concerned: get ratings = make people watch commercials = maximize advertising revenue. It doesn't matter which guy is a better guy, or who is funniest. His job was to get ratings; largely in comparison to Leno's and he did a horrific job of this. So ultimately, Leno got busy with the leverage that he then had, as O'Brien had done years ago, and reclaimed a job that Conan had taken from him, and "Coco" has the audacity to complain? Oh, and let me not forget to note that this wasn't some poor shnook who lost his job and went crawling home. He negotiated a boatload of money that Tiger Woods will be hard pressed to earn this year. I think if the penalty for doing a bad job was a deep eight-figure pay-off, more people would be conscientious about doing a lousy job. So my hope for Jay and Conan is that both will admit that they too, like NBC and NBC affiliates, are driven by their own profitablity, that they are big boys, and that they don't deserve the public sympathy which for some reason has attached to Conan O'Brien.

Original Music

Main Line Affair is dedicated to the simple, dedicated task of party entertainment. That being said, almost all musicians have at some time or other created music of their own; music which is by necessity not featured by Main Line Affair (anyone want original music at their wedding?). My colleagues in MLA are no different than other musicians. All eight of us currently, or at some time have, produced original music.

The most prolific of my colleagues is John Glaubitz, the guitarist/singer. John has made himself a full career within music, with gigs in the world of classical, jazz, world, hip-hop, and hard rock, his favorite. He's really good too. Look up 'Vagrant' on myspace or on Ernie Ball battle of the bands. (this thing isn't letting me paste links!). If you like heavy music that's still brainy and melodic, John's stuff is for you.

Ross Fry, our trumpeter, and Meg Rozinski, our female leading lady are also aspiring songwriters. Check them out too.

I've known many deserving songwriters, but I guess there are so many, and so it's so hard to get separation from the many. Sometimes I think that if washed-ups like Rod Stewart would stop trying to make music, there would be room for these kids to succeed. While I'm ending Rod's career, I'd also like to put a lid on so many other lousy acts, but that could be a different blog.

Today's theme is to check out the original musicians within Main Line Affair. Oh yeah, and the theme is always not to have any parties without Main Line Affair (www.mainlineaffair.com).

A couple good pairings still in Philly

I just finished Randy Miller's exceptionally good biography of Harry Kalas. One of the themes covered, as a subset of how truly beloved of a figure Harry was, was how much people enjoyed the pairing of Harry Kalas with Rich "Whitey" Ashburn. We Phils fans knew we loved their presentation, but I'm not sure that we were cognizant of it sufficiently in its time. Of course if you listen to the Phils telecast now, its former greatness is not lost on you. (that's not an implication of Sarge, either)

If you are looking for a modern pair of terrific sports uncles, how about Ray Didinger and Glen Macnow? I think most people like listening to the pairing, but perhaps we are guilty again of not realizing how special the pairing is in its own time. These guys are both very experienced sports journalists and they both come across the air as supremely nice guys. They've even authored books together.

Ray Didinger has worked for the old Philadelphia Bulletin, the Daily News, NFL Films and Comcast Sportsnet in addition to 610 WIP, where he often does a Saturday morning show with Glen. He gained my particular admiration for sharing my opinion, and expressing it that he has "no use" for Michael Vick and can't wait until he leaves town. If you are looking for an opinion of the talent level of some obscure backup offensive lineman somewhere in the NFL, Ray's is about the only researched among the local broadcasters.

While Harry was the the play-by-play man, and Whitey was the king of dry humor, Glen serves as both the lead talker and primary humorist on the Didinger/Macnow show. Glen is the more emotional of the two, and expertly cajoles Ray into taking the same stands. A native of Buffalo, NY, Glen has earned his Philadelphia bona fides with a couple decades in Philly, including a long stint with the Philadelphia Inquirer. He is also our community's leading food critic (not that silly Craig LeBan), having conducted detailed study's on the area's best burgers, pizza, cheeseteaks and more.

With a very honorable and respectful mention to Merrill Reese and Mike Quick, who unfortunately just don't work as many occasions but who are also awesome, we should all be grateful for the talk-radio pairing of Didinger and Macnow. Let's not wait until Chris Wheeler and some bobo take their slot before we acknowledge just how good they are.

P.S. Hire Main Line Affair (www.mainlineaffair.com) for your next wedding, event, pool party or anything else!

Weight management

Well, I'm in my last five days of MediFast, the latest diet. I'm not like people who try these, mix in a few donuts and pizzas, and then say the diet didn't work. Oh no. This is the 4th time in the last couple years that I've taken off more than 25 lbs. I've eaten nothing but what the diet says I can eat. I've had an incredible in-take of diet soda, which presumably is terrible for me (it has to be terrible because everything tasty is bad for me). My wife isn't even happy about the weight loss. She wants me to sign an affadavit not to gain back the weight before she'll even notice that my pants fit again. But, Main Line Affair (www.mainlineaffair.com) is shooting a video this weekend to feature Megan Rosinski, the new star. I must be thin for that. With the tux on, it just shows in the face.

I'm hungry. Since Saturday is the end of the diet, and the video, we're going to do a post-shoot celebration at one of NJ's finest diners.

Bye bye Donovan, Can you take Chris Wheeler with you?

Well, now I guess I'm just addicted to this blogging thing.

My post-script on observing McNabb for the past 11 years-
1. Never was a human being so adept at difficult physical feats while simultaneously being so incompetent with little ones.
2. It should be unlawful for Clownovan (my own nickname!) to run for a first down against the Eagles since he was dedicated to not running for first downs for the Eagles.
3. Kolb may not turn out to be 5% of the athlete that McNabb has been. He's already fifty times more skilled at speaking to the media. Clownovan was always such a contradiction and sometimes a downright buffoon. "I don't let the fans bother me." "The fans bother me." "I'm the leader of the team." "A lot of guys don't know a lot of rules." "We showed our youth." "I don't throw people under the bus and I never have." "I played great. (he got benched)

Hey Phillies advertisers - I watch the game with no sound now because the Wheels broadcast is so horrendous. Oh yeah, and there are like a million Phillies fans who feel the same way. The Phillies broadcast quality has loosely mirrored AIG stock prices.