Car dealers

http://www.google.com/maps/place?cid=11855411728989350011&q=City+World+Toyota+Inc,+Boston+Road,+New+York,+NY&hl=en

Now I have to hear about that automobile's deficiencies from wife and daughter, which is worse than fighting with the dealer.

I could sleep now but I don't feel like it

Have you ever over-tightened a lug nut so that the lug just went ahead and broke? I guess I don't know my own strength.....or my Alfa's lug's weakness. I tighten those lugs a lot because a wheel fell off the car once while I was driving. I wouldn't worry about it happening again if it weren't for, ya know......the dying! So I just tightened my way into a nice repair bill. I guess I'll drive the Japanese car tomorrow.

My dog is a really beautiful individual. Yesterday, I broke down and watched the whole Eagles game. When they would show Dog Hitler's face on the screen she would leave the room to boycott. Of course the most evil person in sports has to be the best athlete as well.

My wife suffers from migraines. That's a really bad deal.

Lafayette Hill is a cool place to live. I'd recommend it to anyone. Two improvements: (1) find a way to make Ridge Pike 4 lanes all the way to Roxborough; (2) straighten Butler Pike at Germantown. The latter intersection disrupts traffic headed to and from the mall and turnpike. I know they'd have to knock down some 300 year old building where George Washington probably romanced some ladies. Small price to pay! Someone get the wrecking ball. I guess the crooked intersection wasn't so bad when twenty horse-drawn carriages passed through it on a given day.

Now that Joe Morgan was fired by ESPN, and we don't have to listen to him anymore, can someone cue up Chris Wheeler?

I asked a pro-Palestinian friend at work where she thought the Jews should go. She was raised in a household to hate Zionism. Her parents forgot to tell her that the alternative is Jewicide. She suggested Haiti.

No matter how much money people make, I can understand them spending it. I think if I had Ryan Howard's paycheck, it could still go into toilet paper, pool chemicals, Alfa Romeo repairs and of course band gear.

If I was as handsome as Charlie Sheen, I'd be jerkier than I am now, but not as jerky as he is.

It would be cool if Brett Myers was punched out by Dog Hitler the way Mrs. Myers was belted by Brett, and better yet if Myers had some vicious dogs that ate Dog Hitler in retaliation.

Does anyone know the pro band that used to employ me? That's a WT outfit!

Obama hasn't really turned around the economy, has he? Yes, these things are cyclical. He should invent the microchip and the internet. That's what Clinton and Gore did, respectively. Obama only cares about the poor. Does complaining about that sound unfair to criticize? Listen up poor people: when you tax 'the rich,' you are taxing EMPLOYERS and then they stop employing. Lesson learned?

I think departments of insurance should spend all their time investigating consumer complaints and none of it regulating insurers. It's called "Capitalism" and I can tell you from the inside that their regulation is often getting consumers higher premiums and narrower coverage.

My dad sure is against the death penalty. I should spend equal energy supporting it. He'll say things like, "where do we get the right to take away someone's life?" Well, where do we get the right to incarcerate someone and take away their freedom? Plus, electric chairs are like Alfa Romeos. You feel better having one if you can put some mileage on it. Otherwise, it's just a money pit and no fun to own. Cop-killers are good candidates to receive it. Also, mega-repeat-offender-animal-torturers....who perhaps are left-handed and play quarterback. Whoops, I forgot. He said he "made a mistake" and I think he said he's really sorry too.

Jerry Jones might be a good President. At least he gets good and angry when things go poorly. And Kim Kardashian would be a good first lady. Duh.

How come when Ryan Howard plays poorly people say he stinks, and when Chase Utley plays poorly, they say he must be hurt? Read this: Ryan Howard will go down as a better ballplayer than Utley. Rookie of the Year. MVP. 58 homers. These are historic things. Utley gets pumped up a bout 30 per cent because the girls like him. It's the same reason that Darren Daulton is remembered as a better player than he was (.245 lifetime). At least Utley advocates humane animal treatment!

If I'd had a bunch of Toyota Corollas instead of the Chevy Citation, '83 Charger, '86 Plymouth Turismo and the current Alfa, I think I'd be rich and retired.

I think women know that flatulence is funny, but they're all trained to act like they don't. They must learn that before 3rd grade when boys aren't paying attention to them yet.

My son is off-the-charts handsome. I think he'll do well with women....provided they like a man who enjoys singing randomly, "800-588-2300, Empire TODAY!"

Pandora really is a cool free on-line service. Thanks to Hank for that one! Speaking of Hank, his flatulence is so gross that it's almost not funny.....but that in itself is funny.

I think of some random people reading this and wonder if they'll conclude I'm a weirdo, while I have tried to position myself as a non-weirdo (SB?). Hey, I have one wife, 2 kids, 1 dog and a (non-picket) fence. Is any of that still considered normal? I think being up at around 1 A.M. blogging is probably pretty conventional in 2010 as well.

In a blog which includes references to both my dog Lexi, and flatulence, I would be remiss in not pointing out that her breath is worse than Hank's flatulence. Her face really does smell like garbage and feces and dead people and Soul Asylum music wrapped into one. Her face is a paradox because it looks so cute. I like to let her lick up a plate near my wife so that the wife is enveloped in the dog stink-breath. That's as funny as a Dutch oven and is less documentably cruel.

We have this one neighbor who is sort of a white collar crook. He fixes basement leaks, only the crooked part is that he doesn't fix basement leaks. I referred to him as a 'toolbox' some years ago. Danielle, then maybe 5 years old, repeated it as "The Toolboxer" and the name has stuck. That guy is about the worst feature of Lafayette Hill.

I'm trying to weave a couple themes together here like Norm MacDonald does. I think he's terrific. Laurie and I saw him at Helium and we literally sat within 10 feet of him. While he manages to cast an unhealthy image about himself, I think he actually looked good and healthy. He was definitely funny. Those who spend time with me know that I like to 'be' him and also Christopher Walken.

I think Ed Stefanski has about as much power with the Sixers these days as Wade Phillips has with the Dallas Cowboys (yes, I heard Phillips got fired). I think when people within the Eagles organization try to take some power, Andy Reid eats their young.

Well, maybe now I've gotten enough out of the day. Tomorrow I have a business lunch in....(Drum roll please, Jonathan): NEW JERSEY! So now I'm surely envied.

Thanks to anyone who read this far (surely a victim of real insomnia).

The technical challenge, and nuggets of advice to other music pros out there

The down-sides to running our little operation (www.mainlineaffair.com) are (1) when we don't get engagements, and (2) dealing with our sound system.

The latter is ironic. I love the rig! It's my hobby within a hobby. I (regrettably) like buying and swapping the PA gear. Most musicians love their instruments. I seem to like buying mixers, cables, speakers and stuff which is maybe less interesting to other people. I don't know why.

Why, ok, I have a guess. My keyboard is an 88-key Korg Triton LE88. It's a magical piece. With the sole exception of being heavy (at that, half the weight of the Yamaha Clavinova I used to use), I can't complain about anything. The reason it never gets old is because it's so complicated, that I think I only understand about 10% of how to use it. It sounds great, and it feels great, and so far I need nothing else. Because it is heavy, and because I'm sort of tough on things, it has destroyed an average of one case per year for the four years I've had it.

Enough nice things. Enemy #1 is the Carvin company in California. They shipped me speakers, one of which was dead on arrival. Hey Sally and Tom (fake bride and groom name), I had to run out to the store and buy new speakers in a rush on your wedding day because Carvin shipped me junk. Oh, they needn't have worried. I'd have hired Justin Bieber's sound tech if it was necessary, and I can always borrow stuff in emergency from my pro contacts. Anyway, naturally I wanted to return BOTH speakers. Carvin, even though they shipped me a dead one, shorted me $60 on the return. THEY penalized ME! Well, it's between us and the San Diego Better Business Bureau now.

The antithesis of Carvin (which is a store and a manufacturer) is Cintioli's Music in Oxford Circle in Philadelphia. Benny has everything, new and used, and he's the best sport about taking gear in trade. I go in, and I offer him a reasonable trade, and he gets me the stuff I need.

Musicians Friend, which is perhaps the largest instrumental retailer in the world, is a good resource too (www.musiciansfriend.com) and they are very cool about refunds/exchanges. Their phone staff are helpful and they price-match.

Mackie is a manufacturer which positions itself as a pro supplier. Well, kudos to Don Draper for helping them cultivate that image. Their stuff is over-priced crap, to our experience. We blew out a powered cabinet (vr450?) tweeter. A sound man saw me replacing it in our rig and he told me that he has had a bunch of problems with them. We also had a Mackie powered mixer (1016?) and one day half the channels stopped working. One of the two sub buses was already distorting terribly. Samson costs half of Mackie stuff and we've had much better luck with Samson.

We had EV non-powered speakers for a while. They took up too much room in the car, but they were old and still sounded awesome with the Samson unit pushing them.

My next try is a Soundcraft mixer. Gosh I'd love for a relationship with a mixer to last! Luckily my Yamaha emergency mixer is in good working order (albeit with limited features). Pro jobs need backups and redundant systems!

The morals are:
1. get a Korg Triton
2. get stuff from Cintioli's
3. don't deal with Carvin
4. don't buy Mackie stuff unless you're getting it (1) used, (2) at a much lower price, (3) low miles, and (4) to use in a small room.

I'll try to return to a more universally appealing topic next time!

31 Isn't young for some people

There is always a presumption when Chase Utley doesn't produce at the plate that it's because he's hurt. I think handsome guys get the benefit of the doubt or something. The town was always oddly supportive of Pat Burrell when he struggled. Also, Darren Daulton has a heck of a legacy for a guy who hit 48 homers in his first seven years and retired as a .245 lifetime hitter. It's "The Bubble" as portrayed by Jon Hamm in his run on 30-Rock.

In my earliest days as a baseball fan, Mike Schmidt and Dale Murphy were the two best players in the National League. I presumed both were going to be Hall of Famers, and I was insecure that perhaps Murphy was the better of the two. In 1986, his last dominant year, he hit .295 with 44 home runs. In 1987, which he played majoritively at age 31 (equivalent of this year for Utley), he fell to .224 with 24 homers. He never again hit more than those 24 homer in any of the next final 6 years of his career.

Utley may have yet some good baseball in him. He may even have some star-level baseball. But it is taken too much for granted that he is (A) slumping or (B) injured. He could be (C) on the decline. I hope he's not. Fortunately for him, either way he's more handsome than, say, Garry Cobb.

Main Line Affair Expansion - near miss and moving forward

Those close to me know that the past seven days have been a real trial. In the business of party entertainment, a lot of the investment is not efficient without teaming up with other bands. For instance, I can optimize my website, but each date is a maximum of one engagement for practical purposes. Growth requires multiple bands.

The professional band with whom I used to perform recently offered itself as an acquisition target. A deal was reached and that band, along with Main Line Affair, were to be two core components of the new Atlantic States Entertainment, LLC (www.atlanticstatesentertainment.com - under construction). Money was exchanged and I was a moment away from making an announcement about that acquisition right here on this blog.

At about that moment, the seller advised that she was not, in fact, selling. She returned the money and basically put me in a position to sue her or walk away from the deal. I was all set for the former, and then a family member from her side asked me to please not do that. I was asked to put human compassion ahead of business gains. This relative was compelling and I allowed the deal to dissolve. Those folks who are close to me know who was involved and how much work I had invested in finishing the deal, which I had not sought, and which had been offered to me.

In the shadow of this disappointment, Atlantic States Entertainment will move forward. Affiliated acts are associates of mine; folks whom I know will do a good job whenever they go out on a gig. Main Line Affair (www.mainlineaffair.com) is the flagship for the company which it was always targeted to be.

For anyone who reads this and breaks my code, let me point out that an agent in this business (F.A.) made a really positive impression on me. He helped all parties navigate through a bad situation.

I was reminded though, of the contrast between the unit I've put together and the one for whom I used to work. They are unquestionably among the best collection of musicians in the area. There are advantages to Main Line Affair.
(1) Main Line Affair is less focused on a single genre. One minute we're a Motown Band, then we're an 80's band, then classic rock, jazz, etc etc etc. We are all over the place!
(2) Main Line Affair puts on a continuous presentation. There is no CD player or ipod needed as we string together live music from beginning to end every time.
(3) Main Line Affair members are the kind of people you want at your party. They are polite, witty, articulate, clean, respectful, and impressed with YOU, our client.

The joy Main Line Affair gets from being a part of your party (did anyone see Bobby Gordon lead a whole wedding in the conga line last week? See the August 7 testimonial www.mainlineaffair.com/testimonials/html ?) Hire a band who is as excited about your party as you are.

"If you go to bed with dogs, you wake up with fleas"
-respected American captain of industry

The Cast of Main Line Affair

The fedora in the front, the ringleader, and the Buble-smooth male voice in the front is the unflappable Robert Gordon. When he embarked on this ride with us, it was his promise to dance (even) with old ladies that sealed the deal. It is he, known within as Pork Chop, who provides our most lasting visual trademark, donning the hat as a tribute the eras of (other!) great crooners, evoking Sinatra, Martin and Bobby Darin. It's all about fun with Bobby, and that's surely contagious.

Bobby's partner in chime up front is the incomparable Meg Rozinski. The girl can flat sing anything...in any key...in any language...at any time. She's a blonde who can belt like Aretha, and a Gen-Y who can let out the heartbreak like Patsy Cline or the classic sultry contentment of Etta James. She's classically trained yet she's Lady Gaga. She's at home performing, and a smile's always adorning her face. She's a sweetie and she's easy on the eyes too.

Our man of many figurative hats (not to be confused with Bobby's fedora) is our singer/guitarist John Glaubitz. Known in the hip-hop world as Slim Jinkins, and having earned a degree in classical composition from the Conservatory at the University of Cincinnati, there is no part of what we do that isn't covered by John's fingerprints. He directs our ceremony presentations, plays jazz guitar at cocktail hour, and plays solo acoustic hits (think John Mayer, Jimi Hendrix, Jack Johnson) in addition to his prominent role as a singer and guitarist in our band. John is truly a virtuoso guitarist, and most often our vocalist for hard (Dave Grohl) and classic rock ("play us some Skynyrd, man!). You can experience John in so many other endeavors as well including many local original bands, accompaniments, and handling scoring and sound production for numerous local theatre presentations. Lastly, because his musical resume can use a little padding, John is a renowned guitar teacher. I am extremely grateful to John for signing on to the MLA team early and being a key force in bringing it to the professional level.

The person to whom I owe the most gratitude is Kevin Moor. In 1993 we met and planned to team up as rock stars. By the mid-90's we were in the alternative cover band 'Innuendo' and for the past few years we have been sharing our most successful project with Main Line Affair. Kevin is equally proficient on guitar and bass and probably would have opted to play guitar if we had formed an Ozzy Osbourne or Van Halen tribute band instead of a wedding band. "Smedley" nails the high harmonies, and he's the guy who will organize Main Line Affair to the gig when I get hit by a bus. Another of our degreed musicians (University of Delaware, classical guitar performance), he gives us both credibility and sardonic wit. He also gives us the old man perspective as the only MLAer past forty (did I mention how youthful the rest of us are?).

My nickname for Jonathan McNally is 'greatest drummer in the world,' which I find entirely accurate. Also appearing with the original jazz-rock-fusion band Agent Moosehead, Jon is an awesome musician, and one of the nicest guys I know. He's also tall enough to change recessed light bulbs without a ladder, and you never know when that'll come in handy. We haven't tapped him yet vocally, but I think he'll do well as a bass singer in a 50's doo-wop group.

Jim "Big Smooth" Crompton plays a pile of different saxophones and is an expert musical arranger. He is the musical director of the Avalon String Band, Mummer fans should know. Jim brings biting humor from a very male point of few, and frankly, he's good at making sure that no one acts like a sissy. That's important because to do a good job, everyone has to suck it up and be a man (including Meg). Not so long ago, Jim was the starting right tackle at Lycoming University, so he'll be the enforcer when we need one.

I want to conclude this scintillating blog with an announcement of major proportions. Mr. AJ Cutright has joined Main Line Affair in a dual role of trumpeter and singer. AJ has his masters in trumpet performance and has appeared with the Pittsburgh opera. He brings an authentic high male vocal for staples like Bon Jovi and Journey, which are so popular these days. We're really excited to add yet another layer of versatility to this band.

I also want to give a shout to Greg Morrone and Kathlyn Ashford, both of whom were instrumental in building Main Line Affair along the way.

So there you have it, and the moral is the same as it always is: check out

www.mainlineaffair.com

!

　

　

　

Howard Goldstein

(888) 284-6235

www.mainlineaffair.com

　

　

　

Wedding Band High

Main Line Affair finished playing a wedding three hours ago and it's 2AM, and I'm completely wide awake. This is not atypical. It's a big high. Two people just trusted us with their wedding. It's over now, and luckily it was another triumph. An event that will live forever in the minds of two fine young people and their friends and families, and they entrusted Main Line Affair with it. It's a heck of a responsibility we undertake, and I suppose it's normal to take all that it entailed and need to process it in a way that makes sleep elusive. There was happiness, a lot of dancing and a lot of heartfelt moments among family members. For a few hours, we were in the middle of all that and then it's gone. So we wind up with pride, fun and relief. In this case, our equipment all had to up a whole slew of stairs into an old mansion's great room, and then it had to come back down. I did a good amount of this labor myself so it stands to reason that I should very much be sleeping. And yet, I'm wide awake. My dog is looking at me like I'm nuts. Tomorrow....another town, another wedding, another time where it will be difficult to fall asleep, and hopefully another occasion to earn some stripes among Philadelphia Wedding Band elite.